A Year of Dubious Success

I know. Let's not talk about it.

2008-12-02T19:47:00.001-06:00

http://alifetimeofdubioussuccess.blogspot.com

well, that didn't last long.

2008-10-30T08:59:00.005-05:00

http://ayearoffamily.blogspot.com

Just in time for the holidays. Join me, FRIEND, as I write about my old family, my new one, my estranged one, my in-law one, and all the other ones too.

You know what? We're good here.

2008-10-09T10:43:00.002-05:00

You could say quitter or you could say overachiever. I'm ending this blog 6 weeks early because it told me what I wanted to know when I started it in the first place.

Success is not always the same thing as happiness.

Happiness is always success.

Everything else is just worrying about what people will think of you. And you could always use more money.

Sure, it's oversimplifying, and sure I still have a lot of questions left over. How genuine is that happiness, for example, and how do you master the art of not caring what other people think (hint: don't check your blog's SiteMeter obsessively).

Last night I hung out with my friend, who is the happiest she's ever been now that she's a stay-at-home mom and waitress. Far happier than when she was doing back to back productions at Steppenwolf and world premiere musicals. She's dreading her college reunion and explaining to people why she's chosen this life instead of the other.

I say courage and following her heart. Here's to it.

I'll start up a new blogspot soon enough. If you have any ideas for future themes, lemme know. And really really and truly truly, thanks for reading.

that's fine, Baby, I'll - I can take the corner.

2008-10-08T10:16:00.003-05:00

TV and film work doesn't come to Chicago that often. When it does, the larger roles are often pre-cast, so we get the scraps. That's okay with me.

Today, for my audition for a project with Patrick Swayze, my total lines are:

"You look stressed."

and

"You're not, are you?"*

*note - these are separate scenes.

I hope they're impressed that I'm already memorized.

progress report

2008-10-07T15:40:00.002-05:00

Back in May I wrote about almost kicking a kid out of our afterschool program.

My whinging from that post:

The point of the program is that it's a supportive place for kids who probably don't have many supportive places. A positive place, a place where every idea is a good idea and you can express yourself any way. Kicking someone out is practically an anathema to the entire mission statement.

I'm not teaching the afterschool program this year. Different structure, different teachers (read: stronger teachers than me).

But she's back. That student. I talked to one of my friends who is teaching her this year.

Friend: So you had her last year?

Me: Yeah. I spent a lot of time with her and went to bat for her a lot. Honestly, I'm surprised we let her back into the program.

Friend: Was she hitting people last year?

Me: ... no.

My friend later said, "I don't have the tools to make her better," and if WE, Barrel of Monkeys don't have those tools, if SHE, badass teacher, doesn't have those tools, I don't know who does.

It makes me blue.

On the upside. First day teaching another residency today. You know what's awesome? Fourth graders. They are awesome.

Kid: Hey.

Me: Hey.

Kid: You country?

Me: Um, a little bit?

I didn't find a way to work Jane Austen into the post but she's entirely relevant here.

2008-10-06T10:35:00.004-05:00

1987 Demon Rumm
1988 Slow Heat in Heaven
1988 Tidings of Great Joy
1988 Hawk O'Toole's Hostage
1989 Best Kept Secrets
1989 Long Time Coming
1989 Temperatures Rising

A short selection of novels by New York Times Bestselling Author Sandra Brown.

Sandra Brown, in case you haven't seen her billboards, is one of those mass market authors whose name is always in a font eight times larger than the title of the book. A very commercially successful author - no easy feat.

Does Sandra Brown, anywhere in her heart, give a shit that, as far as the literary world is concerned, she writes nothing but dreck? Does she meet Ann Patchett and Audrey Niffenger at publishing functions and wonder if they're secretly making fun of her? Does she sink into periods where she loathes every book she wrote with "silk" or "whispers" somewhere in the title?

Or does she just cash her checks, pose for the publicity shots, pour a martini and flip off the New York Times Book Review?

My voice-over career is going pretty well. Not full-time income level JUST yet, but it's growing. I feel proud and optimistic. Stage career, not so much.

Am I going to end up a Sandra Brown of Chicago Actors? Would I be okay with that, if I did?

all you have to do to win is say you won

2008-10-03T14:27:00.003-05:00

Thank you, David Rees (Get Your War On, My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable, and much more), for providing the bridge between my narcissistic blog of ambition and world politics.

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

a nice kind of success

2008-10-02T11:59:00.004-05:00

I'm taking this moment to ~~continue avoiding the impossible task of~~ pause while making this week's picks for the football pool (New England at San Francisco? Redskins at Philly? I DO NOT KNOW! HARRRD!) to holla at my girl Larissa.

A few months ago I wrote about how my friend Tutaj, after losing an award to a puppet, posited that a good mark of success is earning the respect of people whose work you admire.

Well. One of Larissa's favorite/formative/influential authors, Kelly Link, found a YouTubey music video Larissa made, posted it on HER blog, and loved it for all the world to see.

Larissa. That's boss.

You know what else is boss? The music video. Um, especially at 3:21.
Now somebody tell me if I'm right in picking Jacksonville over Pittsburgh.

brush, floss, gargle

2008-10-01T14:17:00.002-05:00

In 20 minutes, my friend Kate is bringing her 2 year old over for me to watch. What on earth am I going to do with this kid. She's going to hate me and cry for 4 hours, then Jamie will come to pick her up and wonder what I've done to his lovely daughter.

Me: (over email) I'm only slightly terrified. Did I mention I've never changed I diaper before?

Kate: Dude, I hear you, I had never held a baby before Delia was born. Seriously.

I've been trying to think of how to prepare for this. My best plan is to brush my teeth, floss, and gargle. The baby will surely hate me less if I have fresh breath.

THIS IS A GOOD PLAN.

eye of the beholder

2008-09-30T18:41:00.004-05:00

Behold, the "Stacked and Stuffed Caramel Banana Pecan Hotcakes" from Bob Evans Family Restaurant. MSNBC:

WINNER: Worst breakfast in America

Bob Evans Stacked and Stuffed Caramel Banana Pecan Hotcakes
1,543 calories
77 g fat (26 g saturated; 9 g trans)
2,259 mg sodium
198 g carbs
109 g sugars

Oh, MSNBC, MSNBC, MSNBC.
...You say "worst?"
I say "just read the name of it again please, this time so I can close my eyes and imagine the thick caramel and sweet pecans in my mouth even MORE vividly." Worst. Worst phooey. The worst thing about this right here is that they won't serve it after 11am.

why you do it

2008-09-29T21:02:00.004-05:00

Many, many artists of many disciplines worked on this party. Check out this incredible stage. All that woodwork is painted, hand cut. Unfortunately, unlike our work, it won't survive the party. It got hacked apart Sunday morning.
Our costumes will continue to be used for years to come. I'm glad. They're comfy and cool.

Brandon really took me to task on why I worked so hard for so little on what was essentially a vanity project. A birthday party for a billionaire.

He is playing a lot of covers with his band lately, some songs he hates. But the practice is good.

Experience is always good, as long as you make sure you're always learning. Don't you think?

Besides, you never know when you're going to have an opportunity to be influenced by something that takes your entire aesthetic to a new level.

special

2008-09-29T20:50:00.003-05:00

One of the great perks of this last gig was that it was catered beautifully. The salad bar in particular was primo. Good bleu cheese. Candied walnuts. Sun-dried tomatoes aplenty. Ee-um.

Towards the end, they even stepped up the dressing selection with these tasty selections from Kraft. See that Balsamic Vinaigrette in the back? I reached for that one and was stopped cold.

Catering Lady: Uh uh. Those is special.

Me: I'm sorry?

Catering Lady: They special. Special dressing.

Me: (looking confused)

Other people in line: (looking confused)

Catering Lady: Special dressing, for special people.

The Eagles were indeed the "surprise headliners" for the party. They started off their set with Hotel California. I wonder if they did that so people would know who they were. The Eagles, playing for their target audience, hedging their bets just to get recognized.

Liberal vs. Orthodox

2008-09-28T16:41:00.005-05:00

As I like to do with all deep spiritual questions, I consulted the Internet for a free quiz to tell me what religion I actually should be.

I got 27 results, ranked in order of accordance with my professed beliefs.

Match #1 is definitely high on the random scale... but not a shocker.

1. Liberal Quakers (100%)

I was a little disappointed in #2, which my friends who were raised in this faith have alternately called "The Church of Tori Amos" and "The Church of Backrubs."

2. Unitarian Universalism (94%)

Some matches were just embarrassing.

4. Neo-Pagan (87%)
6. New Age (78%)

Others were, frankly, educational. For example, who knew that there even WERE Orthodox Quakers? Not me. But apparently I subscribe to approximately 67% of their doctrine.

And I don't care what you say, they made this one up.

18. New Thought (54%)

shabbat shalom

2008-09-27T11:26:00.005-05:00

Last night at tech during our dinner break, my friend Rachel, accomplished bellydancer and costume designer announced that in a few minutes in the costume tent, they were going to ... do ... er, the thing ... that you do to start the Sabbath. Anyone who wanted could come.

So we stood there, a circle of five or six, sharing two challah rolls and a bottle of Nantucket Nectars grape juice as Rachel told us to forget about work, forget about the week, and to just be present, be there, and be grateful. As always happens when I'm around any aspect of Judaism, I was amazed by how calming, how grounding and peaceful the moment was.

I don't know how I can say this without possibly coming off as glib, or flip, or insincere, but if I could pick a religion to be born into, it would hands-down be Judaism.

My religion (pick-a-flavor Southern Christian Protestant) is like a name I just don't like. I've lived with it, given it plenty of chances, tried variations of it, studied it, tried to wait out the feeling that it just isn't right ... and you know what? It just isn't right. But it's such a part of my identity. Like a name. You hear yours and instantly think, that's me; you see it on a list and think, oh, there I am. It's you, you're it.

In related self-obsessed musings, I have legally changed my last name to Brandon's. No more Coil. And it's strange how soon my new name feels so comfortable and right.

Seriously. CNN. Work on the content.

2008-09-26T01:27:00.006-05:00

Obama: There needs to be a sense of urgency

Posted: 06:39 PM ET

WASHINGTON (CNN) – Sen. Barack Obama said lawmakers will eventually agree on a bailout plan but said that there needs to be a "sense of urgency for everybody."

Watch: Sen. Obama says there needs to be a sense of urgency

tough day at the office

2008-09-26T01:03:00.002-05:00

equipment malfunctions at the worst possible minute.

someone random from another company shows up, messes with what you're doing, then calls attention to how you did it wrong.

you find yourself in pain and panic due to uninformed decisions by management.

Work is work. Sometimes you're wearing a candelabra hat and sometimes you're wearing a powersuit.

I don't know, Cute Overload... cute? or TERRIFYING?

2008-09-25T02:42:00.003-05:00

that baby eats puppies.

Now, just to make it worse, imagine that those are fully grown dogs meeting their end at the chubby hands of a horrible monster.

I love biking home

2008-09-25T02:23:00.004-05:00

I find more singular moments of beauty and magic. For example, the guy in line behind me at the 7-11 who HAD TO BUY a 24-pack of Busch and a 2-liter of Hawaiian Punch at 12:40 on a Wednesday night. Which, okay, is not really "beautiful," per se, nor is it "magical." I mean, it could be magical. But it is kind of awesome. I really hope he mixed them.

But back to the more sublime:

A pristine white school gymnasium ceiling lit up magnificently in a dark and sleeping neighborhood.

The shaggy, gray-haired drunk walking past the Philadelphia Church who paused in the middle of the sidewalk, spread his legs and raised his arms in a batter's stance, and waited for an imaginary pitch. It came and he hit it, then stood and watched it soar as I whirred past. The unseen witness.

I think all these things are just as present all day long in a city - they just fling themselves at you all at once, all the time. At night they slow down. You can stop and look and marvel at each one as it slowly passes you, or you slowly pass it. Depending on if you're the one on the bike.

behold my acting skill

2008-09-24T12:35:00.002-05:00

Let's see if I can do this.

1920s Babymomma~~, at your cervix.~~

my day

2008-09-24T01:01:00.004-05:00

12:02. I am released from rehearsal and get on my bike. I think about biking to the red line putting my bike on the train, but instead decide to go ahead and bike the 13 miles home. It's a nice night. I could use some thinking time.

12:02-1:02. I see wondrous sights on the dark streets of Chicago. Most of them are: people sitting on the curb with their legs in the street, waiting for night owl buses, people sitting on the curb and staring at the building across the street, very very drunk, and finally the big half moon rising in the east.
Oh, and also, one man shitting himself outside Carol's. If you know Carol's, this will not come as much of a surprise. I was mostly surprised by the sound it made.

1:02. I get home and drink a beer as I shower. I do not shit myself.

2:00. I go to bed. (also not shitting myself)

7:00. Alarm 1 goes off. I listen only for news of Barack Obama doing something great or Sarah Palin disgracing herself further.

7:30. Alarm 2 (the one I said I'd get up at). Brandon actually gets up and I get a second pillow.

8:00. Brandon is genuinely distressed that I'm not up yet. Brandon was a stage manager. Brandon likes to be on time. Unfortunately this also means he likes me to get up on time.

8:10. I get up, mostly because Brandon has moved my legs to the floor.

8:20. I am ready to go, 10 minutes early, and explain to Brandon why he should have let me sleep this 10 minutes. He is unimpressed.

8:30. We get on the train. I teach him a really ridiculous chant. That's right, a chant. About apartments. We say "yay" and "green design yay" to a specific beat.

9:30. We get to the Merchandise Mart and find a bunch of people from the theater company grouping outside. We all go in and take the elevator to an empty office on the 7th floor, where we rehearse this same chant with 3 drummers. Brandon thinks one of them is the drummer from Califone, a band he really likes and has been listening to nonstop lately. He doesn't say anything though. I try to stay awake.

10: 30. We get into our brand new Steampunk costumes. Don't worry, I'll have pictures very soon. We smear on a little whiteface. I lie down on the ground and try to sleep, then have to get up so the crew can tie three white balloons tied to both my wrists. We rehearse the chant with the drummers several more times. The drummers are great. The other people in the room are our friends. It's fun. Tired tired fun.

11:00. We ride the elevator downstairs, and with the drummers playing, all 8 or 9 of us walk fluidly, elegantly, and with an anticipitory air through a crowd of realtors who have shown up for a late breakfast/brunch at an otherwise closed restaurant. We ring bells and hold balloons and try to look very artsy. I try not to stare at the platters of salmon, which look great. Why the hell didn't anyone eat the salmon? I want that salmon. Shit! Walk artsy! WALK ARTSY!
We lead the procession across the street to the site of a groundbreaking for a new downtown apartment. We say our chant with the drums about green design and yay.
We walk back across the street and get back in the elevators and change back into our clothes. This will pay 25% of our mortgage for the month.

2:00. I have a voice-over audition. It is ridiculously terrible. Seriously, seriously. Who drinks MGD64? John Cleese: American light beer is like having sex in a canoe: it's fucking close to water. But, it's kind of fun being as cheesy as they want me to be. My agent is too busy to talk to me. She is brusque and dismissive. It's neither personal nor pleasant.

4:00. Nap with purring cat.

5:00. Phone call to confirm voiceover session tomorrow with Sue Scott from A Prairie Home Companion.

7:00. Rehearsal. My friend Jesse and I use bicycle gears to power a steel and plywood cart that carries 3 full drum sets and 4 slightly paunchy amd exceptionally talented drummers over a gravel floor. In the middle of a particularly difficult turn, I wonder if women can get hernias. Repeat for the next 5 hours with minor variations.

11:42. Released from rehearsal.

I love my job, my friends, and this glass of port.
I am very tired. Unfortunately I'm also wound up after 5 hours of very physical rehearsal.
I knew this week would be hard. I love it, though. I love it.
I only have 2 months left on this blog, and while I'm feeling lacking in humor and overflowing with fatigue, I gotta say, this day felt great.

Also, I have gone yet another 24 hours without shitting myself, and that can't be anything BUT successful.

also if anyone knows what is going on with this keyboard, pray tell.

2008-09-22T14:48:00.004-05:00

1. My keyboard is acting funky with a few punctuation symbols, so bear with me.

2. I think FANCY MULTIMILLIONDOLLAR THEATER COMPANY is going to break up with me instead of asking me to be its ladyfriend. They told me I didn:t need to come in for a callback, then they told me I did.

And so I did.

It didn:t go that great.

I forget how absolutely, how stupidly, you LIVE OR DIE by one person:s opinion when you:re auditioning.

Did she smile? Did she laugh? Was it a pity laugh or was it real? What did she mean when she said, *how did that feel?* She didn:t look up when I left. What does that mean? When she said *thanks Lacy* was the underlying tone more *I am so disappointed in you Lacy* or more *that was terrible but you are unfortunately still my best option at this point Lacy*?

And why, exactly, do I want this low-paying job again, remounting a cash cow production for rich north shore high school kids? I confuse me.

workaholic

2008-09-21T14:00:00.003-05:00

One of the reasons I was excited to take on this [grueling and exhausting] project is because I knew I'd be working with some freaking amazing artists.

Over the past year I decided that I want to be able to separate myself from my job. I want to have an outside life and things to talk about BESIDES theater and acting.

But these people I admire so much... they don't separate themselves. They live breathe eat and sleep their work, and as a result, that work is incredible.

Maybe I need to rethink this?

Maybe this is just the tradeoff? Balanced person or brilliant artist?

the furious magician

2008-09-19T01:18:00.006-05:00

Dear Diary,

What the hell is this, and why do I think it's utterly hilarious at 2 in the morning after 5 hours of powering a 900-lb. cart in a bizarre performance art THING on the South Side wherein, no joking, 2 aerial artists gracefully hump on a ladder 30 feet in the air?

Why did I spend 2 hours carrying a bronzed rat on my shoulders tonight, after giving up on carrying the alligator and the ostrich?

What is this thing? Why do I love it?

Diary: It is entitled "A discussion with Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Board of Governors of the United States Federal Reserve."

Me: Oh diary, there is so much I don't understand.

Diary: I know.

Me: How do you know?

Diary: I'm a magician, Lacy.

more more cubs

2008-09-19T01:18:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I like to listen to Cubs games on the radio. Pat Hughes provides the play by play, Ron Santo provides the color commentary. They're a great team.

Ron Santo used to play for the Cubs. Ron Santo loves the Cubs. Ron Santo's emotional connection to the Cubs often renders him incapable of forming coherent sentences, speaking, or at times, doing anything other than plaintively wailing while his cohost attempts to drown him out with statistics and interesting tidbits about Wrigley Field.

I love Ron Santo.
Everyone does.

Today the pitcher made a really dumb move as they Cubs were losing, 2-6, in the top of the 9th.

Pat Hughes: (calls the play with slight alarm and surprise in his voice)

Ron Santo: What!?!?!

Pat Hughes: (explains the dumb play to those of us listening at home)

Crowd: (booes furiously ~~and drunkenly~~)

Ron Santo: What?!?! NO! No!

Pat Hughes: (tells us the name of next batter up to hit)

Ron Santo: NO!!! NO! WHY would you ...? WHY would you DO ...?

Pat Hughes: (tells us what the first pitch was, and if the batter swung or not)

Ron Santo: WHY?????? WHYYYY????????

Sometimes I wonder if the engineer has an easily accessible mute switch on Ron Santo's mic.

Moments later, get this, BOTTOM OF THE 9TH, Cubs have 2 outs and I am about to switch the station in disgust when they SCORE 4 POINTS ON THEIR LAST OUT to tie the game! What!?!? What?

Ron Santo: (howls of unabashed glee)

I doubt myself

2008-09-17T10:09:00.002-05:00

Cripes, Lacy. What a lot of mewling and hand-wringing over a freaking email.

But it's important, right? This is important.

And it's done.
So now go audition for a really bad commercial.

I struggle

2008-09-17T00:55:00.005-05:00

Here's the beta version of my response.

I like to wait 24 hours and reread before I send important emails.

My aunt is sort of a shut-in. With no friends other than my grandmother, who she's lived with her whole life. [imagine a long period of me writing, then deleting, then writing, then deleting. For about 20 minutes] UGH.

I wish I could explain away racism. From someone I love. But I can't. Because at the end of the day, it's dumb. It's just plain dumb. And if you live in the US, and ESPECIALLY if you own a computer, I just can't accept the argument of ignorance. Maybe this makes me intolerant and bigoted. Shit. This is really upsetting me.

MY AUNT HAS NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
So here's what I am thinking may be my response.

As far as what you said about the garage sale... it really made me feel sad when you said you had mixed feelings about having a garage sale because so many Mexicans come. As you know, many of my friends and coworkers are Latino, some even specifically from Mexican families. It really upsets me that you feel this way. I don't believe that 'Mexicans are criminals' any more than I believe that 'men are smarter than women,' or that 'Southerners are lazy and stupid' - also things I've heard plenty of. I feel very strongly that racist statements like these are not only absolutely wrong, but also hurtful, degrading, and most of all, unchristian.

Obviously you have a right to whatever opinions or beliefs you hold. And obviously I love you very, very, very much and you mean the world to me, and I love getting your emails. However, I do not share this particular opinion. I would really appreciate it if you didn't bring it up around me anymore. I hope you respect that, and that it's okay with you.

Me: What would you do?

Brandon: I don't know... my family just isn't LIKE that.

Me: I know. Your family is loving and accepting and liberal and amazing - which I hope this makes you totally appreciate - but if you were in my shoes, what would you say?

Brandon: I don't know. (pause) How much are you really going to change her mind?

UPDATE:
Oh FUCK. I sent it accidentally. So used to hitting 'send' instead of 'save as draft.'

UPDATE UPDATE:
Her response. If you're following along.

I am very very sorry about that I feel the same way you do I work with some wonderful people here and we have new neighbors and they are nice people but that is what I keep hearing from your Mom in every e-mail I get about the sale I do agree with you and I will never repeat what is told to me just my own opinion.

today's success challenge

2008-09-16T17:08:00.008-05:00

Oh boy. While remaining true to all your values, while being empathetic and loving, while being the change you wish to see in the world and all that hooha, how do you respond to this?

Have you talked to your Mom and has she said anything about Mimi having a [garage] sale because she sure doesn’t want us too and I really have mixed feelings about having one because so many Mexicans come and sure don’t want people to know just 2 women live there

Do you just let it go?
Do you gently explain that's RACIST AND JUST STUPID AND HOW CAN YOU --?!
Do you SORT OF PLAYFULLY suggest she go ahead with a whites-only garage sale?

When my grandfather says such things (personal favorite: "You know... I do think the pickaninnies are awfully cute") ...I can nod and know he'll die before too long, and his beliefs will die with him, and all that will be left of him on earth is me, and I have a very different view and am slowly pushing the world in a different direction.

It feels different with my aunt somehow. Maybe because she's younger [63]? I don't know.

How do you deal with this?

the phenomenon of self sabotage

2008-09-16T13:44:00.002-05:00

I've heard casting directors talk about this thing:

An actor gets a big audition. The kind of opportunity that calls your bluff on all your dreams and ambitions.

And then that actor, who would normally die for just the chance, seems not to have even prepared for the audition. They barely even show up. As if they just forfeited the game.

Dreams coming true are terrifying. Realizing that you might have the chance to MAKE your dream come true, and find that your best just isn't good enough, that is probably terrifying too.

But I wonder how much you would realize that as you were in the middle of it.

unamerican

2008-09-16T01:16:00.006-05:00

A few new people joined our cast tonight. Among them, a director visiting from Sydney. We had a lot of down time together, and she told me about the kind of theater she does (primarily nonlinear, non narrative, image-based, almost entirely acrobatic).

She talked about this Italian director, Romeo Castalucci, whose work she absolutely loved. She described his work, and in response, I tried not to react like a midwestern housewife with serious opinions on performance art and downhome american decency.

I looked it up on YouTube. I'd say it's exactly as she described it, except that each little clip apparently happens live and goes on for about 10 minutes.

Oh, and look out. There are naked boobs if you're still watching, like, 2 minutes into this. Which you may or may not be. Especially now that I've told you.

Is this interesting to you? Would you go see this? Or does this just fall into the category of TOO FREAKING ARTSY (which I consider a valid category, probably a subset of TOO SELF-INDULGENT)?

To me, the images are totally unforgettable and arresting, and it's a definitely a new way of thinking about live theater. But ...I'm not sure I LIKE it. Or maybe I'm more conservative at heart than I realize. If you actually watched the thing and you feel like it, I'd really love to read any comments about it.

holy crap, how did I miss this?

2008-09-15T09:20:00.003-05:00

DAVID FOSTER WALLACE KILLED HIMSELF?

Are you serious?

From the MSNBC article:

Time Magazine named "Infinite Jest" in its issue of the "100 Best English-language Novels from 1923 to 2005."
Wallace received a "genius grant" from the MacArthur Foundation in 1997.
Wallace's short fiction was published in Esquire, GQ, Harper's, The New Yorker and the Paris Review.

Incredible.
I've never had such a knee-jerk reaction of impatient disgust with a suicide before - WHICH I AM QUELLING, don't worry, I am now feeling just horrible for this poor idiot, who had the accolades, skill, and success that a thousand writers would kill for. Just ...not themselves.

dear john madden and al michaels,

2008-09-14T22:17:00.003-05:00

I love you.

But quit pussing out and picking multiple horse trailer players of the game. For real.

Man up and pick one dude already.

AND.
Mad congrats to my friends whose Wendy's commercials are running nonstop during all games. I'm like, dude! That's Paul! And that guy who used to date that girl I used to work with and sometimes I see him at auditions and we're like, hey, this is awkward!

(update: oh, no, it's not that guy, it's another guy who LOOKS like that guy, but I sort of know that guy too and his current storefront production of Glass Menagerie got a great review, so that guy must be on fire right now! Way to go, that guy!)

correlation between loopy posts and long days of watching NFL

2008-09-14T22:08:00.005-05:00

Lacy, if you have no money but a lot of time, what should you do?

Well. You should notice how expensive groceries are, and with a heavy heart switch to margarine, but also, YOU SHOULD MAKE SOUPS.

You should make this badass minestrone and discover kale for the first time in your life. Holy shit you guys! KALE IS DELICIOUS!
You should make this Indian Spiced Carrot soup with Ginger, then try not to snort it directly up your nose because you want it all, bad, NOW.
You should make this French Red Onion Soup, but don't buy that kind of cheese because the cheese they recommend COSTS MORE THAN QUADRUPLING THE RECIPE. You SHOULD possibly quadruple the recipe, though, because that shit is TASTY. Also, it calls for 1/2 cup of red wine. What should you do with the rest of the bottle?

Then, after you make those soups, you should put them in a big thermos along with your nalgene bottle, then hop on your bike and ride 15 miles to rehearse until midnight for some rich dude's party where you may or may not see the Eagles in a couple of weeks.

Oh shoot, O shoot.

2008-09-13T19:49:00.006-05:00

I got up at 5:30 this morning to report to set for my film shoot this weekend. The independent comedy short I was cast in over the summer.

I've had bit parts in a major tv show and a major feature film. I've had principal roles in major national ad campaigns. But I've never, never been a main character on a real shoot. I've never acted out a full story. With a character other than "Tampax Girl."

So today I got that.

By 4:00 two things had happened:

We were easily 5 hours behind schedule
We could no longer ignore thiswhich led to this

which actually got even worse.
Finally we couldn't keep the generator dry to power the lights outside that we needed to stream through the window in the bedroom where we were shooting.
AND the basement of the house where we were shooting was straight up flooded.

So, although no one - cast, crew, creatives - had ever experienced this before, the entire 2-day shoot got cancelled.

Hopefully, to be resumed at a later and undetermined date. But nearly everyone was volunteering their time, which means everyone has to find a time when they have nothing better to do. The production coordinator fought tears as she made the announcement over the walkie. Everyone had done so much work. This was a real freaking production: art department, gaffers, grips, DP - the full works.

Everyone gave up and went home.
I'm home now.
I guess I'm going to go watch Law & Order and have a cocktail.

Okay ANOTHER cocktail, sheesh, back off.

blowout

2008-09-12T22:15:00.009-05:00

I'm working on a secret private multi-million dollar event being held at a secret location with a secret "big act" that not even us performers are allowed to know the identity of.

All we know is that:

holy fuck, this party costs MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

and

past Big Acts have included Paul Simon, Elton John, Bette Midler.

Everything else? Top secret.

Until it came out in the Sun Times today. Oops. Leaked.

In the next 2 weeks, we'll be filling this space (about a fourth of it pictured here)
with objects like this
and this
and figuring out cool ways to play with/on/around them, with dozens of other artists making things like this
and tricking out the stage with handcut and laboriously painted woodwork to look like this
and I'm fairly sure this is just the beginning, because I've seen pieces of a 50-foot papier-mache tree under tarps outside.

A few years ago, the Reader did an article on this party (it happens every 2 years) as lavish and wasteful. I like to think of it as working for the Medici family. We get paid well, and given a pretty damn free rein to create whatever we think is cool.

Such as.

circles, cirque

2008-09-12T21:41:00.002-05:00

Cirque du Soleil came through with invited auditions a few months ago, and several of my friends were called in. They were all pretty nonchalant about it, not expecting much. As you can imagine, it's a tough gig to get.

I found out today, my friends got much, much further into the process than I'd realized. In fact, turns out that the final round of auditioners were nearly all people I know and work with. They had actually offered a contract to this friend/colleague I mentioned a few months ago... for two years in China.

She declined. Two years half a world away from her family and fiance for a show she doesn't even really like that much anyway. I was, am, impressed as hell at her skill and her conviction.

At our meeting in May, she told me that I was a very funny, cerebral performer, but not very immediate or instinctive. Brains over heart, in other words.

That isn't a BAD thing to be, of course. But being around her and other heart-over-brains performers makes me wish I could be both.

Maybe with enough work I can be?

Maybe I should embrace who I am and be the best me I can be?

Someone point me to the right junior high motivational poster, fer crying out loud in a bucket.

good job, good audition

2008-09-11T23:46:00.003-05:00

I had an audition today for someone I consider a real badass. A real world badass. He had written a pilot script, and I did a scene from it for him.

He laughed!
I made HIM laugh!
That guy who makes everyone ELSE laugh!

Ohhhhh, that felt really nice.

That's one that I can honestly say, callback or no, job or no, that was a really great audition and I'm so glad it was part of my life.

more cubs

2008-09-11T23:24:00.004-05:00

I had some time to kill this afternoon downtown.

Well.
I certainly know how to spend an hour and $5, and that's in a cheap bar with a glass of cheap beer. The place was empty except for the bartender, another dude and me when Ronnie Woo Woo walked in.

Bartender: (shooting him a look) YOU. Don't talk to me.

Ronnie Woo Woo: What place they in?

Everyone knows: The Cubs are in first place. However, their playing taken a sharp dive lately.

Bartender: I don't want to talk about it.

Ronnie Woo Woo: What place they in?

Bartender: You want your cranberry juice?

Hell if I know how we got onto this, but as Ronnie got up to leave, he turned to me and started talking to me about the importance of being nice. "Don't cost nothing to be nice," he kept saying. "You just got to have fun, and if you can make people smile, that's all you gotta do." I listened to him talk for a while about being nice, and having fun, and making other people smile. In a way that probably should have felt hedonistic or trite, but really just reminded me to be nice, and listen to strangers.

Ronnie told me I brightened his day, and then he gave me a t-shirt. I took a high-quality, journalistic style cell phone picture of us. I told him he brightened mine too.
On his way out:

Other Dude at Bar: Hey, who's pitching tonight?

Ronnie Woo Woo: Ronnie Woo Woo!

world domination planned barring setbacks

2008-09-09T16:10:00.004-05:00

today's headline on cubs.com:

Cubs' rotation ready to rock and roll barring setbacks

I got $50 on setbacks.

getting, taking notes

2008-09-08T23:22:00.004-05:00

One of the toughest things in Actingland is when:

a director specifically TELLS YOU to do something in a scene
and so you do it
and then that director somehow miraculously forgets that they not only sanctioned, but in fact ORDERED this choice
and then calls you out in front of the rest of your cast and, sometimes, production crew. At times asking you, point-blank, why you made such a lame choice onstage.

At this point you can either

gently rebut with, 'Because YOU TOLD ME TO, ASS HAT,' thereby pissing off the director, looking like a defensive ass hat yourself, and keeping everyone else there while you argue with your director in an ass hat-off
OR.
nod/shrug, utterly mystified by the bad choice you independently made, and agree with the director that you should REALLY do something else.

Dude, you only have one choice here. You have to suck it up.
It is so infuriating and humiliating. But you have to suck it up.

It is good for your humility.

Fairness addendum:
I have worked with some directors who will say things like, 'that was exactly what I asked you to do, and it was horrible. That was a bad idea. Let's figure out something else.'
I love those directors. They are great.

message from Wisconsin

2008-09-08T18:16:00.004-05:00

Turkey Vulture 1: Hey. HEY. YOU. LACY. Look at this cool thing I'm doing.

Turkey Vulture 2: WEEEE're doing. I'm doing it too. WE'RE BOTH DOING THIS COOL THING. AT THE SAME TIME.

Turkey Vulture 1: It's a visual gift from Wisconsin. Take it and don't get cranky during the week when you have 9 hours of rehearsal and two fruitless meetings in one day.

Viva Wisconsin

2008-09-07T15:01:00.005-05:00

Camping this weekend.
Wisconsin gets my award for Best Midwestern State. Because, in no particular order,

camping
cheese curds
cheese curds
the Packers
eating cheese curds while camping and/or watching the Packers.

Brandon and his dad canoed through a stretch of Northern Wisconsin a few years ago. They reached the end of the run late Saturday, and stayed that night with the family that ran the canoe rental/outfitter company on their huge beautiful northwoods property.

Sunday they woke up to a crisp fall morning and the owner of the company outside on the patio, bundled up and scrambling around 2 dozen eggs next to a firepit. A ton of friends and family showed up to eat brunch, drink beer, throw a football around and watch the Packers. Apparently it was a weekly ritual.

Since Brandon told me about this, YEARS ago, this has been my dream.
Okay, a dream.
Maybe I have a few dreams. Like owning a late 80s Jeep Grand Wagoneer with simulated wood paneling. BUT this one is seriously up there.
Because, in no particular order,

friends
firepit
scrambled eggs
football
I imagine that there are cheese curds in this equation somewhere.

a blog of declining success

2008-09-06T21:09:00.004-05:00

Before I left for Ecuador, my blog was averaging 60ish+ hits daily. I know, I know. LOOK OUT INTERNET. Maureen Dowd II here. All up in your Blogger. But - it was slowly growing.

Since I've been back - well, it's now 24.

Eesh. (invisible yank on shirt collar)

So, this blog must be getting worse.
I thought about asking my friend who's getting her masters in writing to litcrit my blog, but come on. I mean. It seems a little self serving, right? Well, at least I'm not passively aggressively asking her to by posting this.

JOKING! Rachel! JOKINGGGG!!!!! if you have any suggestions that's totally cool BUT I WAS JOOOKIINNNGGGG!!!!!! anyone else too, seriously, I don't want to suck

I'll be getting busier, so hopefully my quality level will improve.
For those of you still reading, I very meekly thank you.

help a blogga out.

2008-09-04T13:26:00.002-05:00

Looks like I may be in charge of directing/producing some podcasts. Short (under 5 minutes), funny.

I never listen to podcasts. Do you? Can you recommend any?

Any recommendations AND/oR thoughts on what makes a podcast successful/not successful would be very appreciated.

my friend the unicorn

2008-09-04T12:15:00.003-05:00

When I first moved to Chicago and answered phones at my talent agency, I got to know a lot of the actors we represented. I had some form of crush on just about everyone. I thought it was so amazing that they were all working actors.

It was like suddenly living with unicorns. I put their calls through with glee and reverence.

They seemed so incredibly successful - so it totally shocked me when I was chatting with one of them and she mentioned how she really needed to find a day job. Record scratch! What!? My hero needed a day job. It was the first time I really GOT how there's no career ladder in this field, it's a career Krazy Straw. This girl was an established freaking professional, and was still stressing over paying rent the same way I was. It took some pressure off, to be honest, but it was also pretty depressing.

Flash forward a few years.
She did some more shows.
She stopped needing a day job.
One of her shows went to New York and did really well.

I saw her last night and was excited she was back in town. She was GLOWING as she sheepishly mentioned she was heading back to New York. Yes, for work. Yes, she's excited about it. Yes, it's a good show. Um, she's going to be in August: Osage County. On Broadway.

Wow.

You guys.

My hero, the unicorn.

when you read too much news

2008-09-03T16:24:00.000-05:00

you may mistake this

Emerald Ash Borer May Be In North Chicago

for this

Emerald Ash Boner May Be In North Chicago

filthy filthy whoring - the BAD kind

2008-09-03T14:59:00.003-05:00

Okay.
I love all kinds of acting work, all the kinds of jobs, no matter how silly or ridiculous.

EXCEPT ONE.

Trade shows.

I hate trade shows.
I hate them hate them hate them. Working them. I hate it.

I also need to take every job I can get.
I also don't believe in having a job that makes you miserable.

On break at McCormick Place at the last trade show.
Hoping for a spontaneous bloody nose or maybe a building fire.

It's also just for 3 days.
It's also not the GREATEST pay.
It's also more pay than I'd be making otherwise.

And every day can't be wacky comedic bits and Shakespearean verse. Sometimes you have to do the dirty work.

Shit.

so much for my plan of putting the same shoe on every foot

2008-09-03T14:45:00.001-05:00

Enjoy Every Sandwich

2008-09-03T10:23:00.003-05:00

David Letterman interview.
He talked about the last time Warren Zevon was on Late Night, shortly before he died of cancer in 2003. They were in the dressing room after the show. Chatting.

"Here's a guy who had months to live and we're making small talk. And as we're talking, he's taking his guitar strap and hooking it, wrapping it around, then he puts the guitar into the case and he flips the snaps on the case and says, `Here, I want you to have this, take good care of it.' And I just started sobbing.
"He was giving me the guitar that he always used on the show. I felt like, `I can't be in this movie, I didn't get my lines.' That was very tough," Letterman said.

Warren Zevon. Was dropped from his record labels again and again and again as critically acclaimed albums were commercial failures.
Yet he kept making more and more amazing music.
And had such amazing friends.
And did not seem to be a douche.
How did he not get discouraged and turn into a bitter ass?
I get so discouraged sometimes. How do I not turn into a bitter ass?

I HATE YOU!! ...want an almond?

2008-09-02T11:45:00.002-05:00

Today's tribute to persistence.
Unless you are like me and looooove raccoons, you can ditch out after about 35 seconds.

that thing is f'ing huge.
and it is AFTER the muffin tin.

surprise weekend discoveries

2008-09-02T01:37:00.004-05:00

sea bass = delicious

weddings = fun

new goal = ease up on the whole 'insisting on telling really boring stories about myself' thing when drunk.

strapless dresses = no, Lacy. No.

Home safe home II

2008-09-02T01:24:00.005-05:00

The downside of having a wonderful home is that you never want to leave it.

My friend Rachel was talking about how, in L.A., it's very hard to get people to go out. That almost every social outing is with other industry people and therefore industry-related, and because of that, it's stressful and draining - so people just tend to stay home in their highrise apartment caves.

Cripes, that makes PERFECT sense to me. After a day of Sisyphean careerbuilding, do you really want to spend your off time being reminded of hills and boulders?

Nevertheless.
Going out is good for you.
I have to remember this.
Going out is good for you.
Staying out is good for you.
Having to talk to other people who scare you even though they are your friends is good for you.

No turning into a grownup home schooler.

my favorite caption today.

2008-09-01T16:05:00.007-05:00

Family Research Council President Tony Perkins reacted to Palin's daughter's pregnancy Monday.

The Family Research Council is (per Wikipedia) a Christian right non-profit think tank and lobbying organization.

Um.
Is it just me, or does Tony Perkins look perhaps a little... pleasantly distracted by this news?

Perhaps he's looking off into the distance, thinking of ...LOTS AND LOTS OF ABSTINENCE.

Sweet, sweet, 17-year-old abstinence.

YES. That is it.

Hang on.
Tony, what are you doing with that pen?

Chicken Hearts and Liver Gravy Feast

2008-09-01T10:48:00.004-05:00

Two years ago today we went to and called a handful of shelters, then finally ended up at the City of Chicago Animal Care & Control Center and its two bleak walls of sleeping, purring, and staring cats, all helplessly counting down their 14 days.

We could only take one, and it was the orange one who crammed his face against the metal cage to get closer to us. Now he crams his face against mine every morning.

He presently has it crammed into a special-occasions-only dish of Chicken Hearts and Liver Gravy Feast.

After that, it's just a guess, but I'd say there's a good chance he'll take a nap and will look like this:

doing your research

2008-08-29T11:27:00.003-05:00

I get into politics.

I also try to make sure I don't just automatically vote my demographic. Which, I'll be honest, I catch myself doing at times.

Wikipedia is a fairly decent place to research candidates' backgrounds and takes on various issues. For example, I was very impressed by this brilliant idea of Biden's:

He would expand national service programs to high school students so that they can earn money for college by participating in public service while they are in high school.

But, on the other hand, who can argue with this bit about Sarah Palin:

Palin filed formal complaints against both Ruedrich and former Alaska Attorney General Gregg Renkes, who both resigned; Ruedrich paid a record $12,000 fine.^[4]she is kool

blog chat

2008-08-28T14:47:00.001-05:00

me: My blog is a drag lately, anyway. I got all serious.

Tai: yeah, what's up with that.

holy crap, Social Security Office Computer

2008-08-27T19:11:00.004-05:00

There is a lot involved in changing your name.

And THEN you have to deal with the human beings.

the best news story of the year.

2008-08-27T18:44:00.007-05:00

This knocks my socks off, floats my boat, and cleans my clock all at once.

I don't know the ins and outs of rights to republish this on my blog, but Ben Calhoun did an amazing job of putting this story together, and I just couldn't possibly improve on it, so I'm just posting what he wrote over at www.wbez.org. (disclaimer: I tweaked and twiddled and trimmed because there are some vocal nuances that don't come across when you read the story)

Jesse Jackson Jr. Sparks Group Hug in Denver
Produced by Ben Calhoun on Wednesday, August 27, 2008

When the Illinois delegation got here earlier this week, there was so much bad blood that the idea -just the idea- that anyone might make amends was a joke.

Like on Sunday, when Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan walked through the hotel lobby.

Reporters asked him if the convention might be a good time for him and Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to patch things up.

REPORTER: The governor's coming in, are you guys going to try to get together?

MADIGAN: We are together. The idea that we are not together is just a figment of the imagination of the media.

(pause)

REPORTER: Oh, come on.

(A shorter pause. Then Reporter and Madigan explode into raucous laughter)

And that's how it was. People would ask, and Illinois Democrats would take turns paying lip service, with phrases like "come together" and "party unity."

Then on Wednesday morning, ailing Congressman Bobby Rush took the mic.

Rush has been battling cancer and there was recently a newspaper column saying Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr.'s wife, Chicago Alderman Sandi Jackson, was thinking about running for Rush's congressional seat.

Rush took offense, and this morning he took a shot at Jackson in front of everyone, calling him out by telling a story about an eagle and what he referred to as "the lesser birds of the sky."

To understand what happened next, how unusual it was, you have to know that politics is often defined by bitter and petty rivalries. The intersection of money, power and ego seems to be the perfect place for slights -or even just PERCEIVED slights- to spiral out of control.

Those conflicts can destroy relationship for years, decades.

They can grind government into gridlock.

And, for the most part, these conflicts stay out of public view, too complicated and messy to make it into the news.

That said, shortly after Rush sat down, Jackson took the podium.

JACKSON: What an exciting time it is for all of us in Illinois to watch our favorite son accept the Democratic nomination for president of the United States.

After that, Jackson started to talk about family, about Barack Obama, about the election. And then, just as he got ready to step down, he started talking about forgiveness.

JACKSON: Acts of reconciliation are all around us, but we don't put them front and center.

Then he turned to Rush, who'd spent much of his speech trashing Jackson with his thinly veiled metaphor about being an eagle.

JACKSON: Bobby, if there's anything I've ever done, or we've ever done to offend you, I'm leaving it at this convention. You're my friend, and I appreciate you.

Then, just like that, Jackson climbed down from the stage... Rush stood up, and in front of the whole delegation, the two hugged.

But that was just the start.

JACKSON: Debbie Halvorson!

Jackson turned to Debbie Halvorson, a state senator running for Congress. The two have been at odds over the possible construction of a new airport south of Chicago.

JACKSON: Where are you?

They hugged, too.

But that was still just the beginning. Jackson again turned to the audience.

JACKSON: Who else out here been mad at me I ain't figured out yet?

Jackson and Chicago Mayor Richard Daley have been slapping at each other for a long time - the congressman criticizing the mayor in the press, and threatening to run against him. Jackson hadn't even looked at Daley who was sitting right next to him... and then, just like that, Daley tugged on Jackson's sleeve, stood up, and hugged him.

The cameras flashed, people around the room looked at each other in disbelief.

And after the hug was over, Jackson turned his back to the podium, crying and wiping tears from his face. Struggling to collect himself. But there was still a bigger hug on the way.

JACKSON: I'm not going to be satisfied until I see Rod Blagojevich give Michael Madigan a hug.

Okay. We need to pause here.

Because out of ALL the bad relationships in Illinois politics, House Speaker Madigan and Governor Rod Blagojevich arguable have the VERY worst. They call each other names, they don't trust each other, they sabotage each other. Lately, they won't even sit in the same room together.

There then there they were. Hugging.

Cynics could wonder whether Jackson, whose family has connections to Michelle Obama's, had planned the stunt to blunt stories about the poisonous relationships in Barack Obama's home delegation.

They could wonder whether all the hugging actually meant anything.

But for those who watched, it all seemed genuine.

Shortly after everyone left, Jackson and Blagojevich were seen on the street ...hugging.

forehead smack

2008-08-27T15:50:00.002-05:00

I've had some good revelations from this blog. About success and happiness. Mostly how chasing success is a waste of time; you're better off focusing on your own happiness.

So I was biking along the beautiful beautiful cerulean blue lake today, trying to compose a list of things that make me happy so I can focus on those things instead of success.

And then I realized that what makes me very, very happy is success.

Successful friends. Winning. Beating odds. Getting recognition. Figuring things out and solving problems. Stories with resolutions. Making progress. Being a good friend/~~girlfriend~~ wife/actor/artist/all that crap on the header of this blog.

Shit!

It would be much easier to ignore success to focus on happiness if the #1 thing that brought said happiness weren't success.

Well, at least I've identified the circle I've been running around in.

Dubious awards

2008-08-27T01:06:00.005-05:00

There's an annual award thingy in Chicago for theater. You know, like the Oscars or your high school drama club awards. They're called The Joseph Jefferson awards. Named for this Chicago actor on the left.

I ~~like~~ love TimeOut Chicago's caption of this photo: 19th-century thespian Joseph Jefferson pictured here, searching in vain for more interesting nominees.

As usual, several of my friends are nominated - and I am very proud of/happy for them. Also nominated are some plays that I saw that I thought were laaaaaame. And some great ones, of course, didn't even get a mention. I mean, it's an artistic awards ceremony - so it comes with several theatrical seasons' worth of grains of salt.

(I am trying to think of a pun of "seasons" and "grains of salt," but friends, I'll be honest, this is another drunkblogging episode. SHHHHHHHHH. DON'T TELL THE OLD DUDE WITH THE POOL CUE.)

Mostly I was inspired by that TimeOut quip.
They've done an amazing job of simultaneously exalting Chicago's theater scene and making it not take itself so damn seriously. By the way.

Jeff Awards and High-Paying, High-Profile Shows: professional accomplishments I used to see as marks of success, and now seem utterly arbitrary. And not necessarily connected to the things I believe in.

OH.

And booking commercials.
And booking 90% of on-camera jobs.
In fact, pretty much every mark of success in this business is totally arbitrary. There, I bolded it so you know i mean it.
Thank goodness this blog is teaching me that the only success worth chasing is my own happiness.

alternate careers

2008-08-26T16:34:00.004-05:00

Drug companies produce a lot of industrial videos. Apparently I fit the "type" of a drug sales rep because I always end up playing them - the responsible, industrious rep, or sometimes the freewheeling wining and dining glengarry glen ross drug sales rep.

It's probably arrogant and it's definitely presumptuous, but I've always figured that I could actually do that job.

I mean, if I felt like it. (and, more realistically, if I had EVER showed any GLIMMER of ability in chemistry or applied sciences.)

Sometimes I see them at the doctor's office.
Hi. I play you on TV.

diligence and hard work

2008-08-26T15:48:00.001-05:00

It's a good idea to send thank you notes to producers and writers after shoots and voice-over sessions.

I
cannot stop
sounding like a fucking moron in these thank you notes.

I know this summer's gonna be the best/if I don't die from lack of rest

2008-08-26T10:31:00.004-05:00

I have adjusted to living in this city pretty well. summers in chicago seem like a tiny blip to me. it gets hottish for a week or so, everyone freaks out, then it goes back to this mild, temperate weather that -don't get me wrong- is very nice, but just doesn't feel like summer.

growing up, summer was months and months of endless heat, drought, and scorching days. cars left in the sun were science experiments that claimed lipstick, cassette tapes, even the industrial automotive glue that held on your rear-view mirror, leaving only a fascinating melted goo.

And then, while you were distracted by seeing what else had melted, you sear your hands on the seat belt. that one leaves a burn mark.
then the steering wheel.
then the gear shift.

things died of heatstroke everywhere. everyone spent every free moment swimming or out on the lake, any lake. pocket handkerchiefs are a necessity for men, for mopping their faces. kids are shuttled from pool to pool to pool.

heat heat heat. When you walked outside, it would just hit you like a huge pillow. Whooooph. 110 degrees and humid.

when august comes here, instead of being the worst, most torturous month, it's the one that makes me realize that i've missed summer all over again and the nights are already chilly.

words of wisdom

2008-08-25T00:22:00.002-05:00

chat with my friend Chris late Friday night (after the entire apartment was very, very clean)

Chris: wanna go out?

Me: dangerous question
huge fight tonight
2nd fight ever

Chris: they happen
there will be many more

Me: you know how to cheer a girl up

Chris: just trying to point out how you're putting more on it than you need to
but I totally understand

Of course he was right. Perspective is impossible in the moment but it's persistent - you'll have to acknowledge it at some point.

I ended up meeting Chris out. Today the three of us biked down to see Dark Knight on an IMAX screen.

There will be many more fights, but always just the one person to make it up with and sleep next to that night.

Oy.

2008-08-22T22:57:00.002-05:00

Cat: Why are you vacuuming?

Me: Cleaning makes me feel better.

Cat: At 10:00 on a friday night?

Me: Cleaning makes me feel better.

Cat: I've never seen you fight.

Me: We never do. We did once. It was over something dangerous and illegal.

Cat: What was this about?

Me: I guess this is where I draw the line with what I put on the blog.

Cat: The vacuum kind of scares me.

Me: I'm really sorry. Cleaning makes me feel better. I'm almost done.

unexpected successes

2008-08-21T21:23:00.004-05:00

The universe is trying to placate me from the Grave Injustice That So Pissed Me Off.

4 surprise free tickets to a cubs game [read: 2 tickets for us, 2 sold for beer money]
2 surprise commercials lifted from a spot I shot over a year ago [equivalent to booking and shooting 2 brand new commercials/mortgage for 2.5 months]
Yesterday's shoot was a lot of fun, mostly thanks to my new friend Timothy, who played my thoroughly disconcerted husband as I suddenly went into labor.

I'm "on hold" for the FANCY MULTIMILLION DOLLAR theater company. This means they haven't officially offered me the job, but if anyone else offers me a job, I have to let them know so they can make a move first. I guess it's like we're going steady; we aren't married but I can't see anyone else.

Someone offer me a job?

More successes:
Those wardrobe, hair, and makeup artists are some real badasses. Here I am as a 1920s mama.

naivete vs. prescience

2008-08-20T23:47:00.003-05:00

not TOO long after I started working in theater, I discovered that every grownup ("grownup" = let's say in 40ish territory) who was still working in the arts by that point in their life was CRAAAAAAZZZZZY.

In varying degrees, but. All of 'em, pretty crazy.

I forgot about this for a while, and mostly I'd say that lately I've written that theory off.

Lately-lately, I don't know. Maybe it really does take its toll, all that instability and subjective success.

Also this means I'm heading down the same path myself. The path to CRAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZY.

so much lameness.

2008-08-20T22:42:00.002-05:00

How do you successfully express anger? Let me tell you what is NOT successful: getting so mad that you cry. This?? This is a TERRIBLE way of being taken seriously: uncontrollable angry crying. And so, so self-defeating because you will only become angrier with yourself for not only getting DICKED OVER to begin with, but then responding -not with well-chosen cutting words, not with badass roundhouse kicks, nononononononono - BY CRYING.

So.
I .... am going to lie low a few days before expressing my indignation so as not to succumb to the Ridiculous Furious Cry.

cough.

Sometimes I can be a little emotional.

so many adventures

2008-08-19T10:26:00.002-05:00

I checked on my friend's blog to catch up on her travels. Her goal is to earn her living as a travel writer. The latest post goes a little like this:

A month in the jungle:

- four days living in a hammock on a boat on a river in the Amazon!

- arriving in the largest city in the world accessible only by water and air!

- eating a kilo of fruit every day for breakfast, and a different kind of fish every day for dinner!

She apologizes for not providing more details about her 14-day [backpacking] trek through the Incan ruins in Peru. Meanwhile, last night I realized that I am gradually slipping back into pre-trip ways: biking less and driving more, wasting more time online.

I was trying to decide what to post about this morning and it occurred to me that I have my own damn adventures.

- going to an upscale hotel in downtown Chicago to spend two hours being custom-fit with a 9 month pregnancy pad

- playing a game called "punt the baby" with 37 close friends, egging on Rachel as she drop-kicked a Cabbage Patch Kid for maximum distance

- walking into a florescent-lit room of strangers, doing a 400-year-old monologue 3 different times, and making them laugh a little more each time.

- learning to play "Turn the Page" by Bob Seger on the guitar. FOUR CHORDS. LOOK OUT, JOE SATRIANI.

Assorted forms of success

2008-08-18T16:50:00.002-05:00

IMG_7375
Originally uploaded by Mikey-Mike

Somehow, I beat everyone in the very first pool game of the evening (where "everyone" equals "Jason and Tim") at the tiny roadside bar in Wisconsin where every drink costs an equally miraculous and dangerous $3.

I was so pleased with my unexpected success that I quit playing for the rest of the night so as not to break my winning streak.

filthy filthy whoring!!! NNnnn... ye..? Mm?

2008-08-18T11:17:00.002-05:00

What if you knew of a theater with very questionable business practices, that regularly screwed people over, but produced really beautiful and wonderful work and paid better than any other theater around?

Would you want to work for this theater?

Or would you prefer to work with nicer people on crappier shows?

I guess it depends on your ultimate goal.

Do you most want to

make good theater in order to further your career?
make good theater in order to reach people with beautiful and touching art?
work with fun cool people?
earn your living doing theater?
make theater that benefits underserved communities?

Do you like it when I pretend to ask you questions that I'm actually asking myself?

filthy filthy whoring!!! YES!!!

2008-08-15T11:32:00.004-05:00

Are commercials artistically challenging, and therefore satisfying, to the actor? Oh hell no. I mean. There are some great ones out there, for sure, but your standard bite-and-smile, P&G spot? No, of course not.

However.
I have always thought they are HILARIOUS fun. It's kind of like playing dress-up! Pretend you're a person in a commercial on tv! ACK!!! YOU ARE!! THAT IS CRAZY!!!

AND there's always really good food. AND you get paid. Sometimes you get paid quite handsomely. There are many artists who despise the filthy filthy whoring nature of commercial acting, but dammit, I think it's fun. Maybe one day the novelty will wear off and I'll feel demeaned and insulted by the process, but I hope not.

So.
I booked a shoot on Wednesday.
I don't feel particularly successful about it - sure, I took direction, I said the lines right, but anyone will tell you that it's usually pure dumb luck to book these things. It is SO arbitrary. But nevertheless ...I guess it is success in some form - even if it's the kind that some people really look down on. And I am real grateful for it. Cause damn, folks, I have needed some money, and I get to earn it having a lot of giddy fun.

Some Things Seem Doomed To Failure From The Onset

2008-08-14T18:12:00.002-05:00

Such as.
Pizza besieged by mini-pigs-in-blankets.
But then again, hell. I've been wrong before. Maybe this is gonna take off.

external/internal

2008-08-13T15:32:00.002-05:00

About fifteen years ago, I had some real problems with depression. I was hospitalized a few different times and was on medication for several years.

A lot of health professionals will tell you that depression is a lifelong condition. Like alcoholism, you're never cured; it's just up to you to manage it effectively. Mmmeh. I ... have divided feelings on this.

Nevertheless.
It comes back. About once, maybe twice a year. It doesn't last that long, so the trick seems to be reminding myself that a) this is a thing in my brain, not an actual problem that I can fix, and that b) it'll be over soon. And most-most-most of all, c) every single day used to feel like this.

I am so grateful that that time has passed.

When it comes, though, in its mini-version, it's almost always connected to work and the choices I've made about what to do with my life. I feel lazy, I feel useless, I feel stupid, I feel- a bunch of other negative things that I'm ashamed to write in this blog. They walk the line between being ridiculously hard on myself and nauseatingly self-pitying. But mostly I like to lay in bed and stare at photos of my grandfather, cry, and try to fall asleep as quickly as possible for as long as possible.

Reminder to self: every single day used to feel like this.

I was telling my friend Sarah about my epiphany of internal/external success, and how internally defined success is the only one that can be truly satisfying.

"True," she said, "but external success is usually what pays bills."

[goals for] internal success: be nice to yourself. work out.

external success: I'm "on hold" for my bikini audition. But, for a different part of the commercial where I am definitely not wearing a bikini.
Wheeee.

Lush

2008-08-12T17:02:00.003-05:00

My olympic badminton training is not going so well, I guess. What with my staying out till 2am on a monday night. Either that, or I'm the ne'er-do-well, rock n roll Olympic athlete who puts the "bad" in "badmin....

What?
Sorry.
Okay.

I met up with a successful actor/producer friend last night for ~~a few~~ drinks. As she ~~indulged my annoying and persistent questioning~~ described what success meant to her, I figured out ~~through a vodka-tinted haze~~ that you can probably divide success into two categories:

1. internal success (that you define and judge yourself), or

2. external success (as determined/defined by other people.)

Then I ~~confessed feelings of jealousy, defended my own insecurity, and told her I only wished I had another liver to switch over to so I could enjoy the evening even longer~~ said good night to my wonderful friend ~~then rode my bike to the next bar where I found some more friends who were still out~~.

Internal and external success.

Ow. My head.

External success:
Callback for my bikini audition. I think it was the Duran Duran reference I ad-libbed into the "80s" scene.

Internal success:
Ad-libbing the Duran Duran reference.
Voice-over audition today where I actually managed to pull off "sexy voice."

Thanks, Rachel.

2008-08-12T13:19:00.002-05:00

Rachel is Kayaking.
I am Badminton.
See?

You Are Badminton

You are quite talented but not very appreciated.

You are detail oriented, very focused, and agile.

You are happy to forsake glory for success in something you truly love.

What Olympic Sport Are You?

The quiz is comprised of five not-so-soulsearching questions, such as 'do you like obscure sports?' (I answered no ... and got badminton?) so - hold on to your hat - I think it isn't actually that rooted in deep psychological analysis.

However, I like that last sentence a lot. I like to think that's true.

You are happy to forsake glory for success in something you truly love.

oh, for REAL.

2008-08-11T17:13:00.003-05:00

Voicemail:

Hi, this message is for Lacy? Lacy, this is INTERN calling from FANCY MULTIMILLIONDOLLAR THEATER COMPANY, and we're calling you with an audition.

This audition is for SHOW YOU HAVE UNDERSTUDIED TWICE AT THIS THEATER, for the role of ROLE YOU HAVE UNDERSTUDIED TWICE AND PERFORMED TWO WEEKS OF.

Your audition is at INCONVENIENT TIME at THOROUGHLY INCONVENIENT LOCATION. Please call us back to confirm and give us your email address WHICH WE HAVE HAD ON FILE FOR YEARS so we can email you the SIDES YOU AUDITIONED WITH BEFORE. BOTH TIMES.

WHAT CAN WE SAY, WE JUST LOVE TO SEE YOU AUDITION. AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Grrr.
I mean,
Beep.

kids.

2008-08-09T00:14:00.002-05:00

I don't really think I want to have kids. And most of the time, I think this means something is wrong with me.

This video makes me not-feel like anything is TOO wrong.

Except, I just have to say, YES, I like Allison Krauss, and this is a very successful cover, but I'm not quite sure why they used this song to.... oh fuck it. Look at those moose. OMG.

80% of success is just showing up

2008-08-08T12:09:00.005-05:00

Brandon's been playing saxophone a lot lately. He's even started playing out around town. Last night was his third time playing in public, and it was at Martyr's.

In front of hundreds of people.

And he was really really really nervous.

They played before, after, and alongside some true badasses - guys who started the rockabilly scene out of Chicago back in the 80s. The emcee rattled off the rock pedigrees of the guest musicians all night. They were SO GOOD. In the way that you get REALLY GOOD when you play music for decades and decades.

Walking up Lincoln Avenue at midnight with a beat-up tenor saxophone case, Brandon asked me again and again if they had sounded awful next to those other guys. Who had record deals, cult followings, and years of touring under their belts.

They did not sound awful at all.

Nor did they sound as polished and tight.

But they were freaking THERE. And he soloed every song, his 3rd time playing in front of people. I could not have been prouder of him.

then sometimes it goes well.

2008-08-07T12:13:00.004-05:00

Right on the heels of that fiasco-of-a-farce debacle, I had another big theater audition - this time for a play I actually like, in a role that is actually fantastic.

That was this morning.
I think it went well.
They let me read the entire side, even.

And then both guys smiled at me really nicely, and one said, 'that was terrific.'

Thanks, dude.
Even if I didn't nail it, thanks for being nice.
I wanted to hug you. I still kind of do.

let's not just take that for granted.

2008-08-07T00:27:00.003-05:00

Your blog post published successfully!

Did it really, Blogger?

Did it really?

changes

2008-08-06T23:57:00.004-05:00

As I mentioned, we got 100% ass-lost in the Andes. We were saved by this house:The following morning when we got up at dawn, Brandon and ~~the dude who got us lost to begin with~~ our Swiss companion, Cedrick, took photos. At the time, I was too exhausted. And we were honestly so appalled by the poverty, something in me felt too voyeuristic taking pictures.

Also, we were fucking freezing, and preoccupied with trying to keep the chickens from getting into the house and making sure we hadn't asphyxiated the guinea pigs overnight.

... there was a lot going on.

Also we were still completely lost. Four hours later when we finally walked into town, it was the wrong town.

Anyway.

Before I went on the trip, I was getting into home decor and read a lot of blogs about modernism and Jonathan Adler and fancy things to do and buy to make your house beautiful.

That night in that house, I pretty much lost all interest or regard for any of that. Apartment Therapy, along with all other non-personal blogs, is now gone from my Google Reader subscription. I don't miss them.

Another thing I've noticed:
When I needed to say something, I only knew the words to say that. Directly. If I didn't know how to say it, I looked it up and practiced it. And then I just freaking said it.
Good afternoon, I have a cough that produces phlegm and I cannot sleep.

I just didn't have the vocabulary to hedge or shyly insinuate something I needed.

Like any writer, I love language and I relish my right and privilege to use English like Scrooge McDuck diving in his vault of gold coins, but ...

...that's a skill to keep in mind.

Things that cheer me up

2008-08-05T20:00:00.002-05:00

because, come on, there will always be shitty auditions.

www.postcardsfromyomomma.com

I am REALLY into this site lately. Real emails from real moms. Like this one:

just talked to Grandma and your aunt’s wedding is going to be the 6th of December. She asked if she could send your invitation here and I told her that if she wanted YOU to get it, she should mail it to YOU. Novel idea? Anyway, the best part of the conversation came later when she told me that your aunt had found her dress and it is beautiful but your aunt is worried that because the dress is ivory, people will think she’s not a virgin. Are you kidding me? She’s 41 years old. I’d be wearing flaming scarlet so no one would think I was a virgin, especially if I were. I didn’t think there was such a thing as a real forty year old virgin. I thought even nuns had had an adventure or two by that age! Geez! At least I’m not related to them by blood.
L,

M

PostcardsFromYoMomma. Oh, I love it.

The stock sound effect that means BOMB CLEARLY DROPPING

2008-08-05T19:40:00.002-05:00

OUCH.

That was one completely BOMBED AUDITION. One page into the side, cut off mid sentence, walk of shame back up through the entire theater past the director producer casting director AND readers, BOMBED AUDITION.

OW-HOWCH.

This never happens, but today Brandon and I had plans to get a beer right after the audition.

....My 'Please Stop Talking Now And Leave' audition.

Brandon: (thoughtful pause) This means you're getting a callback.

Me: If that happens, you get full license to ignore me bitching about auditions for five years. But it will seriously be one for the record books.

Strange how no matter how completely stupid I think the play is, how impractical the run schedule is (I'd be stuck in Chicago for the holidays, which would really be sad and tough) and how much I still agree with the choices I made in the scene and how I handled the language...

I can still feel like a real fucking loser after that.

Running Your Life Successfully Means Not Acting Like A Big Baby

2008-08-05T16:00:00.002-05:00

1. Nooooooooooooooooo AUDITION IN A SWIMSUIT Noooooooooooooooooooooo

2. Noooooooooooooooooooo still so dizzy and tired; I just know Cesar is right and the next logical step is parasite which means STOOL SAMPLE Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Let's Get More Realistic With Our Advertising

2008-08-04T17:32:00.003-05:00

Gmail robots inserted this ad to the right of an email from my agent:

100% Free SugarDaddy Site
Are you a model? Find a SugarDaddy to make your Dreams come true! Free
www.SugarDaddyToday.com

I like the transition from "Are you a model?" to "you should just go ahead and embrace prostitution."

The Price of Narcissism: $52.71/yr.

2008-08-03T20:51:00.002-05:00

A few years ago when I had a lucrative writing job, I signed up to pay $52.71 yearly so that my humble little imdb.com entry could include my headshot. It seemed silly but fun, and also tax deductible. And I got sort of egged into it, and oh what the hell, I like having an imdb entry like a REAL actor. You know, a successful one.

Now, one renewed credit card later, I am being called on to do the following:

  1. Go to: http://resume.imdb.com/resume/
 2. Sign in to your account
 3. Update your credit card expiration date

That's just to keep a PICTURE on my imdb entry. The entry will stay, either way. THAT part is free. The picture... $52.71.

I'm not really sure I can afford my narcissism right now.
But I really hate to let it go... especially when I'm mere MONTHS away from having a SHORT FILM added to my credits!

SHORT FILM YOU GUYS!

Don't you understand!? MY IMDB CREDITS ARE ABOUT TO GROW BY 50%!!

I NEED A PHOTO FOR THAT!

oy.

Dear really nice and talented dude I am in this short film with:

2008-08-03T17:54:00.003-05:00

please do not be creeped out. okay? Don't be creeped out.
you just seem SO FAMILIAR. Is it Arnie? Do you know Arnie? Everyone knows Arnie, so I'm just thinking, maybe that's it and I've seen you on his blog? But I didn't want to just ASK YOU THAT, which is weird, hey, do you know a guy named Arnie? Oh, no? Oh. Well. (LONG BAD SILENCE)

So, just hear me out, I googled you because it's a small community and I just figured that if I googled YOUR NAME and CHICAGO THEATER, bink, a very explanatory link would pop up and I'd be like OHHHHH he's in THIS theater company so I saw him in THAT PLAY and I probably ended up hanging out with him at a bar because we know THAT PERSON IN COMMON.

And then, okay possible misstep here, I admitted to googling you because it just seemed more direct to be like, 'well i'll be totally honest and ha ha creepy! ha ha! I googled you to try to figure out where I know you from,' [and now I know that we both know Thea, but, that's not it] I still know you from somewhere else, or maybe you just remind me of some composites of other people I think I know better than I actually do. Also I think I creeped you out a bit.

Also I am NOT TRYING TO HIT ON YOU because obviously we're both married. I mean, well duh, we ARE, INDIVIDUALLY, AND we're pretending to be married. In the film. Which is why there's a whole scene about me tickling your balls, which we have now practiced a LOT, thanks a lot, Director guy.

And it probably isn't creepy at all to pretend to have your balls tickled by a married woman who admitted to looking you up on the Internet.

And now writes about you on her blog.

Great. See you next rehearsal.

NOT CREEPY,
Lacy

physical limitations

2008-08-02T22:30:00.003-05:00

for the past 6 days I've been unexplainably dizzy and completely exhausted, sleeping almost the entire day and still dead on my feet. Dizzily dead. two doctor's appointments, several hours in the hospital and one CAT scan have yielded some useless pills and more annoying prohibitionist edicts, but no results.

Or improvement.

my mother is a hypochondriac, and no matter how crappy I feel, I'm always afraid I'm shamming. As in, shamming myself. Somehow not seeing how CONVENIENT it is that I started feeling ill at a certain time.

like now that I'm back and really need to start making some decisions about finding a job.

$721/week

2008-07-31T18:34:00.002-05:00

Here's a [quite well done] trailer for that farce I mentioned.

$721 a week, and the director has broadway credits and a tony.

sometimes i really hate success

2008-07-30T10:06:00.004-05:00

Being responsible and handling your life successfully means taking care of your body and getting annual checkups.

ugh.

I strongly prefer indirectly winning Tony awards.

things you take home

2008-07-26T21:07:00.004-05:00

A student anti-drug parade in Guayaquil. I've always been fascinated with how much of your personality is your conscious choice, and how much of it is just falling into the patterns of how other people expect you to act.

I think travel emancipates you from that. No one knows you. You can forget that you've always been shy, or that you've never liked fish. Or that you're a fantastic singer or an utter athletic failure.

I loved having a fresh start. I felt more fearless than I usually do. I felt more brave. I felt like someone who would travel through South America with a backpack. Not like someone who doubts herself so much, she has an entire blog about it.

I don't know how to hang on to that, and I don't want to lose it.

in recent news

2008-07-26T21:02:00.001-05:00

FORMER NASA astronaut and moon-walker Dr Edgar Mitchell - a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission - has stunningly claimed aliens exist.

This guy has either forever eradicated every jot of his personal success, or he has raised himself to a new, unprecedented level of it.

crowd pleasers

2008-07-26T13:34:00.004-05:00

In high school, a friend and I took a mini-road trip to Grand Prairie, TX, to see a half-step-above-community-theater theater. What, to us, was "professional theater."

Holy CRAP, was that a horrible play.

The play was a farce - full of wacky compromising situations, mugging, and just the WORST kind of acting. Just a dumb, dumb, dumb show that only managed to communicate one thing, and that was that the audience was even dumber. And the crowd ATE IT UP.

I have an audition for this same play next Monday. It's going up soon at a viable, commercial theater. They're expecting it to be an open run. They're paying something close to a living wage. They clearly expect people to EAT IT UP.

In Working Actor terms, I should be drooling over this. But I keep thinking of that horrible actor who played the lead, and the people in front of us, reverently saying during curtain call, 'now, HE's a STAR.'

love of home

2008-07-25T22:25:00.004-05:00

over the past few days I've been wondering if looking forward to coming home means that the trip was a failure in any way.

the last part of the trip was definitely less fun/exciting/delightful (Quito is kind of an assy city), but on the whole I think it says a lot that I am so happy and excited to be back in my life.

so after we got home at 9pm, I crammed some deep dish Giordano's in my face, drank STRAIGHT from the tap, used my perfectly-flushing toilet, smooched on my cat to an unreasonable degree, and am now preparing to embrace my bed with deep, fervent passion that can only be expressed by the body of a full-grown, 5'11" woman.

hi, i missed you.

here's a picture. of a kitty and some iguanas in a tree.

Postcard III

2008-07-16T18:07:00.002-05:00

No one likes to be sick on vacation. I´m not totally out, but the cold medicine they have here is really throwing me for a loop. I also suspect the insane altitude. And the more travellers we talk to, the more we hear tell of parasites that you just can´t avoid. Ew. Parasites.

Luckily, before I got too goopy and coughy, I did something that I will count among the greatest accomplishments of this year and possibly of my life.

I learned to do eskimo rolls in a kayak.

on the first day.

FUCK YEAH.

that picture is not me. That is some girl affiliated with that website. I learned in the JUNGLE, yo. In a river in the JUNGLE.

When I get home I´m totally posting a youtube video of this move, which I will probably never be able to do again.

Fun fact: Generic Robitussin in South America is not ´tussin´as it is in the states, but ´Tussis.´

Not Fun At All Fact: The pharmacist stated in no uncertain terms whatsoever that I am not to have any alcohol while on this (other) medicine.

bullshit.

Postcard II

2008-07-09T17:35:00.002-05:00

Laguna Quilotoa, Central Highlands. 4000 meters elevation.

This trip is truly turning out to be everything I hoped it would, including the parts that are transcendentally beautiful (the stars in the middle of the Andes, hours away from the nearest semblance of a town) and parts that have been hard and terrifying (getting completely lost in the Andes for 2 days with no food or water).

We´re fine now.

Isn´t it nice that Brandon thought to pick up water-purifying Iodine tablets at REI? Yes. It is very very nice.

As amazing as everything is, right now my favorite thing is being part of this community of travelers. Swiss, Dutch, American, Argentinian, folks from all over drifting in and out of hostels and talking at night over bottles of beer before collapsing into bed. It takes a lot of courage to travel. It takes a supreme willingness to look like a complete ass, pretty much 24/7. Just for the sake of taking in the wonder of the world.

postcard 1

2008-07-03T11:43:00.002-05:00

we´re at an internet cafe for a minute today. yesterday we climbed part of a volcano - the tallest mountain in terms of distance from the center of the earth-distance to the sun. We climbed ENOUGH. We did not need to climb anymore.

then we mountain-biked down it.

today I feel hungover and exhausted but grateful. And this gives me a good mellow day to check email and make sure I get a good picture of the sign in the health foods store next to our hostel, the sign that says

WOMANSEX
ahora, es SU torno!

So... yeah.

2008-06-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

I am going to Ecuador for a month. I won't be updating. Well, I might. Who knows.
I'll miss the world of the blog (and potable water. and hot water. and coffee and the English language), but I'll see you at the end of July.

To Successful Adventures!
Lacy

one reservation

2008-06-24T10:54:00.003-05:00

I know that tomorrow night I'll be sleeping here:
and after that it's up in the air for 30 days. We have books, of course, and good options everywhere we go. And our charm and good looks and hopefully an endearingly imperfect command of the Spanish language.

I may start singing that German song about my knapsack on my back. We've planned this for over a year. I am just NOW starting to get really excited.

the things that worry me most about international travel

2008-06-23T10:31:00.004-05:00

Cat: I don't understand.

Me: It's only a month. We'll be back July 25.

Cat: What are you saying?

Me: Joe's going to housesit. He loves cats. He's going to play with you and cuddle you. He'll be here the whole time.

Cat: What? Wait. What?

Me: (deep sigh) Okay. I'll say it again. Brandon, and I, are going, to backpack through Ecuador for 30 days. We leave at 4am Wednesday.

Cat:

Me: It's ... see? How beautiful?

View Red Zena's map

Taken in a place with no name (See more photos or videos here)

Cat:

Me: It's ... I mean, kayaking and a lot of hiking...

Cat: Maybe you could have mentioned this before???

Me: I just didn't know how to bring it up. I'm so sorry. I'll miss you?

Cat:

Me: I'll bring you back some small, hard things that you can bat around on the floor!

Cat: (not looking at me) Are there other cats in Ecuador?

(long pause)

Me: There's no way for me to answer that question and not upset you.

Cat: I need to take a nap. IN THE SECRET NAP PLACE.